I found a reason to live. 

I was a pastor for 12 years and an HVAC professional for almost 20. I was married for 30 years. Then I lost my wife, and I lost my mind.

My wife had lifelong heart problems. Her heart valve surgery went as expected, but an infection spread rapidly during recovery. She died on July 22, 2023. My son and I had our hands on her chest and felt the last beat.

Before she died, when we were facing decisions about her care, my son said, “Mom only wanted you to stop drinking.” I had been sober for about 48 hours because she asked me to be sober for the surgery.

That night, my 15-year-old son went to his room and cried. I waited until I thought he was asleep and drove to the liquor store.

I started drinking harder than ever. One morning, his best friend’s family came to the house. I was drunk on the floor and couldn’t get up. My son looked down at me and said, “I am going away for a while with my friends, I hope you get better.”

Eventually, the water and power were shut off. I was having alcohol delivered and asking a neighbor to fill jugs with water. I remember reaching a point when I knew I was either going to end my life or get help. I walked to that neighbor’s house and asked her to call 911. She cried and thanked me for asking for help.

After treatment, I had no home to return to. I lost my job, my home, and my truck. I went to the streets to die. 

I carried a backpack with hats, gloves and socks other homeless people had given me. At the bottom were running shoes my wife had bought me. It was winter, and I couldn’t wear them, but I kept them to remember her. If someone stole everything else, they couldn’t have those shoes.

Mental Health Partners in Boulder worked with me for months, helping me enter respite care, then rehabilitation. That led to an interview with Bridge House’s Ready to Work program. I arrived weighing 130 pounds and with that backpack.

The people at Ready to Work demanded more of me. Shane pushed me to do better. Megan and Josh insisted I get mental health care, counseling and medication. At first, I just complied. I still didn’t really feel the need to live.

For months, I washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I barely talked to anyone until another resident told me his wife had died, too. We shared our stories and cried together on the smoking deck. Then I started to open up.

With therapy and medication, I became stable enough to stay in the program. I was relieved. I wanted to work on the open space and mountain parks crews, earn money and do something for myself.

Eventually, I bought a new hat. Shane smiled and said, “You did something for yourself! I’m proud of you! You are doing good!”

It was the structure of Ready to Work that I appreciated most. It put me in a routine and gave me time to heal.

Something in me began to want to live. That something was my son. I couldn’t see it at the time, but he was what made me carry on.

Then-Ready to Work Employment Specialist Alexis pushed me to interview for an HVAC job with Boulder Valley School District. I knew I could do it, but I didn’t want to. Taking that job meant I would have to make something of myself. I didn’t believe in myself like Bridge House did. I couldn’t see life after my wife’s death and being separated from my son.

When Josh announced the job to the house, he said he could see the kids calling me “Mr. Reuben” before long.

You know what? They do.

Today, eight schools rely on me to keep them warm or cool. I use the skills I built over 20 years to take care of kids and teachers. It is literally a dream job—the best I’ve ever had. I earned employee of the quarter faster than any BVSD employee before me, and a raise before my annual review.

After about a year at Ready to Work, my sister brought my son to see me. I wanted to see him, but I was terrified and ashamed. He hugged me and told me he was proud. That sparked something in me.

He is 18 now. I drove to his graduation in my own brand-new car and stood with the family who took care of him when I couldn’t. We spend holidays together. We talk regularly. I help him with his truck, and we go places for fun. My sister and his family held out hope for me when I couldn’t hold it for myself.

I can’t give enough credit to Bridge House and Ready to Work. Andrew made me work when I didn’t want to. Alexis made me interview. Shane demanded better. Megan helped me better myself when I saw no value in myself.

Everyone has their own path. I can only speak for mine. But if Bridge House had not happened—if the people there did not care—I would be dead. I know what was in my heart. I did not want to live.

God bless Bridge House. May that organization help hundreds and thousands of people like me.